Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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