it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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