i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
