This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
