i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
