my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They have beer where we have blood.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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