drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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