True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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