Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
