I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you had me at cake vodka
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
