If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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