put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
