New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
