I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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