Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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