Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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