Nicole vs. Life
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sarcasm needs its own font
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize