I bet he comes in French.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
