No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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