Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
