I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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