I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
