come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
