Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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