And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
