I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
