And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
