if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
