Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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