I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
