At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
