Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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