bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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