Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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