Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
