kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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