thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
