He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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