I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
