Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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