Acid is not a monday night drug
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
