end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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