dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
