so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
