"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize