Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
