Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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