Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
