I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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