roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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