What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
