i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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