I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
