Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
