we have officially lost it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
