So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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