i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
