Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
