is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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