Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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