the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
