I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
