I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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