Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
