before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
