Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
