Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
