I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
