ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
