We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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