got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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