Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
