Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
