I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All the doctor said was why
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
