hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize