As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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