i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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